Fanny Price’s Resilience

English: Fanny cut the roses, detail from File...

English: Fanny cut the roses, detail from File:Mp-Brock-06.jpg Français : Fanny en train de cueillir des roses, détail de l’illustration pour le chapitre 7 de Mansfield Park, de Jane Austen. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Over the previous few decades, developing self esteem has been a guiding principle in child rearing. Only now are we realising that the downside to this ostensibly admirable philosophy is that we are not equipping our children with the tools to cope with adversity. This is where the term resilience, the need to accept life’s difficulties and then to adapt and change, has come into our lexicon. Fortunately many psychologists are now giving us insights into these old philosophies but it is illuminating that Jane Austen knew the value of resilience and her heroines and heroes actively practise its principles. Continue reading

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Managing the ordinary

If one could wave an Austenian wand and have  a skill for life granted, it would be resilience. As Jane Austen described it in Persuasion, “It was the choicest gift from heaven”. Perhaps more than anything else, resilience is the ability that predicts a happy life. To be able to get back up after a fall, to be able to overcome a failure, to be able to move on after a disappointment – resilience is the value to covet.

Most of Austen’s heroines and heroes are just ordinary everyday people: they don’t think  themselves Continue reading

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Madame Lefroy – Jane’s early mentor and friend

Signature of Jane Austen. Taken from her 1817 ...

Signature of Jane Austen. Taken from her 1817 will. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Throughout Jane Austen’s life she developed close friendships with a number of women that survived her moving from Steventon in Hampshire, to Bath, Southampton and its surrounds, and then back to Hampshire to the little village of Chawton. These friendships endured despite quite an unsettled period in the middle of Jane’s life where she was in quite straightened circumstances. These friendships endured despite the fact that she held a very humble place in the society of her time; she was unmarried and poor. Both of these factors meant that no one would befriend her for an ulterior motive. Her friendships endured obviously because they must have embodied the principles that she so often wrote about.

It seems that Jane’s first significant friendship outside of her family was Continue reading

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What exactly is a good friend?

IMG_0875Wendy Squires in today’s The Saturday Age  (Even pregnant women are only human 09/02/13) answers this question. In response to the Chrissie Swan controversy, (she got caught smoking while pregnant) she discusses the time so called friends, dumped on another friend for a minor misdemeanor rather than showing compassion and empathy.  Intrinsic in Squire’s article is the belief that we all have flaws and should not judge others too harshly. Are you thinking of the proverb, those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones? So what does Austen show us about friendship? Positive friendships survive even when a change in circumstances might make them a bit more challenging. In the Austen Six a variety of characters, and they are all the heroes or heroines, show they value friendship.  Virtuous-but-Undervalued-Anne Elliot shows us what friendship is. She craves not only a lover but a different lifestyle away from the suffocating superficiality of her family. She wants to be friends with people because of their qualities and character not because of their position in the world. It is not unusual to be at odds with one’s family’s values. In Bath, she meets up with an old school friend who has fallen on difficult times:  Continue reading

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Friendship in Austen

Friendship

Friendship (Photo credit: Iguanasan)

What made me who I am? I know my family, my culture and my temperament all played a part. But I need to acknowledge that my friends have influenced me. From my childhood and teenage friends to my adult friends they have helped to sculpt who I am today. They are the ones figuratively sitting around the kitchen table right now, encouraging me in this very venture; editing and advising and encouraging and reading. How rich is my life to have such individuals? Jane Austen had just such a coterie around her, consisting of friends and family who helped her and encouraged her to live out her dream. And I would suggest that that is why friendship figures as it does in her novels. Friendship can sometimes be missing in modern media but in the Austen Six, friendship is there and it does bring happiness. Alongside important lessons in love, are important lessons in friendship.

The need to have good friends is a philosophical principle that has come Continue reading

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Jane’s First Love

English: Thomas Langlois Lefroy

English: Thomas Langlois Lefroy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In Jane’s own life there is ample evidence that women can live a fulfilled and contented life without getting married. As we have seen Jane writes in Emma, “it is poverty only which makes celibacy contemptible.” As far as we can tell, Jane Austen, herself, lived a contented single life enjoying her family, her friends, her writing and a country lifestyle. Sure she might have liked to marry one of the loves of her life but it was not to be. Like today, a variety of reasons can conspire to leave a woman single. However, Jane certainly knew what love was and her first love was indeed a wonderful experience both in the highs but also in the lows. Her first love was indeed heart wrenching and disappointing like many first loves can be.

Jane certainly fell in love. First, when Jane was twenty-one, there was Tom Lefroy, who she describes in a letter to Cassandra as her ‘Irish friend’. He was a young Irishman visiting a relative who happened to be an older friend of Jane’s, Madame Lefroy. An attachment undoubtedly occurred. How much time Jane actually spent with Tom is open to conjecture. Continue reading

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Jane would recommend just one true attachment forever and ever wouldn’t she?

English: "To enquire after Marianne was a...

English: “To enquire after Marianne was at first his excuse” – Willoughby comments on his visits to the Dashwood cottage. Austen, Jane. Sense and Sensibility. London: George Allen, 1899, page 50. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Just in case you might be ready to throw up after last week’s post, here is another facet to the Austen Six that  shows the grittiness of life even it is not central stage. It is true that the Austen Six end with the happy couplings of a series of characters. And of course we expect that these characters will be soul-mates forever. Yet, life was precarious in the 18th century for an innumerable  number of reasons (death by childbirth is just one example); and there were many relationships that did not last the distance. The Austen universe is peopled with characters that have second attachments. And there are many instances where characters must learn to move on. They may have found that the love they had put their faith in has found a better offer.  But Austen shows the value of moving on. The past is a different set of circumstances but there are similarities to today.

 Pining after a lost love can be romantic but Jane often recommends a new attachment. Fed on a diet of Hollywood romances we can place too much emphasis Continue reading

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Shouldn’t real love just run smooth?

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I often think that love should just happen; that it is a magical quality that just appears from thin air. But it seems more like a good wine, it needs time to mature. And in that time, it needs adversity for it to slowly age and ripen. Indeed the flipside of this maxim is: Beware the Easy Love Affair. It is only in love’s adversities that love’s colours show themselves. Love needs its difficulties, its trials and tribulations to reveal its strength.

In Sense and Sensibility, a young man, Honourable-Edward Ferrars has fallen for an opportunist. Social-Vampire-Lucy Steele captured Edward’s heart quickly and in youth. What a disaster for Edward. While young and far from home he was vulnerable and open to be preyed upon by the artful Continue reading

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Why are men with babies chick magnets?

IMG_0754This is a long shot but being good to your family and being seen to be good to your family is attractive; those that care for others and treat their own with respect win the prize in the love stakes in the Austen world.  (Maybe this sentiment lies behind the fact that men with babies appear attractive.) Beware of anyone who denigrates their own family. It is a warning bell loud and clear. This is not to say that  one should be loyal to your family under any circumstances. One wouldn’t want to be like the Mafia! But it is a basic test when looking for friends or partners that Continue reading

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What about when you do not have family?

IMG_0715I often feel for poor Harriet in Emma. Without family, or the knowledge of who her family were, she was left adrift, especially painful in the 18th Century when family connections conferred status and security. Harriet is Emma’s new friend; Emma has discovered Harriet once her old friend, Miss Taylor, now Mrs Weston, originally her governess, then her mentor and friend, has married.  Initially Egotistical-Emma, who needs a new project, Continue reading

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